After having children, can you still have a happy and strong marriage? Yes! It’s worth it to work hard for it. Here are 10 tips that will help strengthen your marriage and bond as parents.
Strong marriages are not the result of chance. Instead, they are the result of commitment, intentionality and pursuit. Children add another dimension to a marriage.
We love our children by taking care of our relationship. I’d be kidding if i said Hubs and I had it all figured.
Since having children, we’ve faced many challenges to finding a balance in our marriage. We have discovered some things that help us maintain a happy and strong marriage after becoming parents.
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Today I will share 10 ways we have found that can help you keep your marriage strong even after you’ve had a child.
Ten Ways to Strengthen your Marriage After Having Children
Pray for your Spouse
Pray first. You can pray for your spouse, your marriage and for yourself. You can pray for your spouse’s patience, gentleness and self control. You can pray that you will love your spouse well and be able accept their acts of kindness, even when they don’t match what you had expected.
You should pray that both of you will be able communicate clearly what you need and want from each other. Be slow to anger and quick to forgiveness when someone disappoints you.
Ask God to strengthen the marriage.
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Take Care of You
Take care of yourself. Self-care may be a popular topic, but this is not about spa days (although you are welcome to do that if you want! ).
I’m referring to the basic self-care, where you show up for yourself. Spending time praying, eating healthy, being active and taking a bath are all ways to care for yourself. Getting dressed each day.
It sounds so basic. As a mother, it’s so easy to forget about these things.
It is easy to neglect our own needs when we are constantly taking care of others and taking care everything else. When we put self-care first, we feel better, and can relate better to others.
We can be better moms and wives by taking care of ourselves.
Surround yourself with community
Be part of a community. We were created for community. Even the most introverted among us need community. This doesn’t mean having a large group of friends. You and your spouse should be in a community of people who share the same values as you and always support your marriage.
This means that you should have friends who are honest with you, listen to you compassionately and encourage you while also holding you accountable.
You need friends who will listen to your frustrations with your spouse, but not turn it into a negative gossip session.
Listening ears that are willing to offer advice or simply listen. However, they will encourage you to stay in your marriage.
There have been many occasions when I had dinner with a close friend and vented my frustrations with Hubs. I always felt more grateful and loving towards Hubs – simply because I could vent in a place that was safe. My friends helped me to get to the root of my frustrations and find ways to communicate better at home.
Make Date Nights a Priority
Remember the days when date night seemed to be a given? Before we had children, Hubs and me joked that every night was a date night. This is not entirely true, but having a regular night out with your partner has become more difficult since you became parents.
We will never achieve our goal if it is not a top priority.
Date Night in Boxes is one way we did this. You can also be creative when planning your “date nights”. We can use any spare time to reconnect with each other and “date”. It could be nap time on the weekends, a date during the day when it is easier to leave your boys with someone else or getting the boys to go to bed earlier to have more time to spend together at home.
Find a babysitter
Find a babysitter. It can be difficult for me as a mom to shift from mom mode into wife mode. I am almost always accompanied by my children.
It can be difficult to remember I was first a wife. We can go out on our own from time to time, and this is so refreshing for us.
We’re lucky to have family who can assist us. Other ideas include swapping babysitting services with neighbors or friends, searching for sitters through local moms’ groups on Facebook (which can be very helpful), or using an online babysitting service like care.com.
Commit to prioritizing one another
Commit to prioritizing each other in the same way you would make date night a top priority.
What can you do every day to show your love for your spouse? What would you like your spouse do each day for you?
You can show your love for your spouse by doing something small, like making coffee or cleaning the kitchen.
You are responsible for your actions/words
Take responsibility for your words and actions. Own up to your unkindness or impatience. You should apologize as soon as you are aware of your mistake.
It’s happened many times that I let my frustrations of the day influence the way I talk to my husband, even when it was totally unrelated.
It’s also happened many times that I have used this as an excuse to speak unkindly. Admit your mistakes instead.
This is true for all of our relationships, not just marriage.
Please note that I am not advocating saying “sorry”, just to say it. When you have done something you regret, own it up. Every human being makes mistakes.
You don’t have the final say on your feelings
This is something I need to keep in mind often. Don’t let your feelings be the final word. Feelings can be indicators of what’s going on in the world around us. Feelings reveal what we like and dislike. They reveal our fears and passions. Feelings reveal what needs to be changed or improved.
They do not dictate our actions. We can feel our emotions and decide how to behave.
Recognize your emotions and feelings in the context of what is happening. Don’t let your emotions control what you do.