Here are six ways to strengthen your relationship by loving your spouse more after children. You can use to take small, practical steps that will make your marriage and family happier after you have children.
Back in the day, I asked “Ask Me Anything” on Instagram Stories. I loved all of the great questions. Many questions were asked about parenting, routines, children, etc. One in particular I would like to focus on because I believe it is so important.
It’s something I learn more about here.
One of my Insta-friends asks: “What ways do you show your love for your spouse after having children?”
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This question is more about finding small but intentional and practical things to do to show your love for your spouse even when they are newborns.
This post will help you if you’re looking for easy ways to strengthen your relationship, even when you’re feeling tired, overwhelmed, and pulled in a thousand different directions.
Marriage Stress Increases with More Children
There is no doubt that having children in a family can increase the level of stress for parents. This is true, no matter how naturally you parent or how much love you have for your children (I assume you do).
You will have more children, which means you’ll be more responsible and your time and attention will be more in demand.
This isn’t a bad thing. But I do think that we should acknowledge it. We need to acknowledge this and then find tools that will help us to manage these new responsibilities while protecting our marriage.
I truly believe that taking care of your marriage is one way to show that you love your children.
How to strengthen your marriage by showing love to your spouse.
It is vital that we continue to be intentional about our marriages, as our needs, responsibilities and even tastes change with time. We must affirm, appreciate and love each other.
This kind of commitment, intentionality and pursuit is essential to a strong marriage.
Here are six things you can do every day to strengthen your relationship. I have intentionally left out things like “take a vacation together” or “go on a date night”. I have even left out more simple things, like “watching a movie together”. I’m aware that at times, you may feel as if your spouse and you are two ships passing by in the night.
You can trust me, I’m an expert. This advice may seem great but not very realistic if you’re in a particularly busy or exhausting period.
It’s easy. These things are easy. They take less than a minute. They do make a real difference.
Pray for your Spouse
Pray first and foremost for your spouse and your marriage. This is my favorite.
What to pray specifically for your marriage?
- You can pray for your spouse to have patience and understanding.
- You would be able to recognize their love.
- You would try to understand the words and actions that may have been misinterpreted.
- You can pray for clear communication between you and your spouse.
- You would be able both to communicate clearly what you want and need in a loving and kind way.
- You should be careful not to get angry when you are disappointed or frustrated by someone else.
- Pray that your spouse will be successful at work.
- You can pray that your spouse will be surrounded with good friends who encourage and support them.
Send a Message of Encouragement During the Day
You probably know how often you send your husband a late-afternoon text asking , “How is work?” or “What’s your ETD for this afternoon?”
I send them to my husband often (primarily so he can plan ahead for dinner) but I also use it to update myself on when I will be able to get some help around the house.
While that’s certainly not a bad idea, you could try sending your spouse a note of encouragement during the day.
You can keep it short and simple.
Tell them you are thinking of them, that you appreciate, love, or whatever. A fun photo or activity that you and your family are doing together is a good way to stay connected during the day.
Even a short text can be very encouraging.
Thank you
Next, thank them. Say thank you.
In the last few months, I’ve been very intentional in this area and I’ve seen a huge shift in my husbands willingness to assist (and he really is a great helper). But more importantly, I’ve seen how my perspective has changed.
When I hear myself thanking him, it makes me stop and acknowledge all the things he does for me and my family.
Thank you for the simple things. “Thanks for taking out the garbage.” “Thanks for working each day to allow me to stay at home with my boys.” “Thanks for letting us sleep in a bit more today.” “Thanks for picking up that item so I didn’t need to go to the shop.”
By saying thank you to someone, we are acknowledging that the other person has helped us. They support us. This keeps us from taking their contributions for granted and, worse still, feeling entitled or even ungrateful.
Say I Love You
Similar to thanking someone out loud. It is important to take the time to tell your spouse “I love” as a way to express love. Saying out loud to your spouse that you love them is a wonderful way to remind both of you about your feelings.
Note: If you’ve been married for a while, you know that sometimes you don’t feel love towards your spouse. Then, it is especially important to tell your spouse “I love” We can choose to love each other every day, regardless of whether we feel that way on any given day.
Touch Your Spouse
Touching each other is another great way to communicate. It doesn’t have to be sexual.
Simple things like a hug or a kiss when your partner comes home from work. Hold hands when you are driving or going on a walk.
It is important to physically touch your spouse to help strengthen the relationship.
Take the Time to Check in
Make sure to check-in early and often. You can do this by asking each other before you go to bed what was the high and low point of the day. Or, ask them for something they are thankful for.
You could also share a brief summary of your daily to-do lists. You’ll be able to understand each other better if you share what you are working on.
The End of the Day
Strong marriages require work. The work is well worth it. It’s worth it.
We don’t need to sacrifice our marriage for the sake of having young children who also require our attention.